Joy

Have you ever felt like you were standing in the exact spot you needed to be and that everything happening around you was perfectly choreographed with your happiness in mind? Have you ever had dirt up to your elbows and mud squishing up between your toes as you wrestled with your demons, knowing that you are right where you are supposed to be? That is where I am standing and I am savoring it today; rolling it around on my tongue and letting the taste linger. I don't want it to end. Even as I falter, I am at peace for I know that it is part of the lesson that I am to learn. I have a peace that is imperfect but wonderful, none-the-less. I am not untouchable or removed. I bruise, sometimes too easily. I bump into things and into people; yet I relish it. I want to live right here imperfectly and get bruised and taste the whole experience, not just the spiritual highs or understandings that make it all worth it, but the whole vivid, colorful experience; the fear and the faith, the sorrow and the joy, the hope and the despair. I love this crazy life I am living. I am ungraceful but satisfied. I am finally content with the ugliness of it all and it has become so incredibly beautiful to me in the process. Beautiful; like a child covered in chocolate pudding and laughing with it all over the floor and table. Not beautiful; like a frozen picture portraying perfect people who look good from the outside. The beauty in the dance of this life is in the messiness of it! To quote Ms. Frizzle from the Magic School Bus, "Take Chances, Get Messy, and Make Mistakes." I have been doing that for years but now I am happy about it. I am stepping on other's toes and they are stumbling over mine as well. They hurt and I hurt but through this dance I learn to live and I realize what I have known all along; the joy is in the journey. When I embrace that, I am free.