Ode to Denial

At some point
Usually at the bitter, bitter end
Long past the patience
Of my friends, parents
And neighbors
I open to the idea
That perhaps
He wasn’t the one after all.
This was somewhat cute
When I was 7 and the boy
Was Dean Lewis;
Tolerable when I was 16
And heartbroken
Over Shane McMaster
Less so at 40
When the man
Knew months before I did
No future=no future.
I tried altering reality;
Twisting it into wishful thinking
And other various contortions
But it didn’t fit
Some contortions took me and made me different
And some changed him
In my mind, at least
After a terribly long headache
From hitting my head against the proverbial brick wall
This intelligent woman
Saw the light
(Shhh. I know, I know, it was there all along)
And stopped the pain
Self inflicted
As usual
Can’t quite wrap my brain around
How love can be so powerful
But still isn’t quite strong enough
To change reality
Hoping today
That God reigns over me
And tucks me away long enough
To get my bearings
Before I try to change
Me, him or Him again
And write another fictitious happy ending…