All I See

I am not afraid
of your darkness
it is beautiful to me
I am not afraid
of your sorrow
there is more that I can see
I am not afraid
of your tortured soul
I thank God you can feel
I am not afraid
of your putrid pain
your triumph will be real
I can see you
ready to take flight
and become the precious man
you are in God' s sight
I can see you
flying high in the air
soaring far above
all that's trapped you here
I can see you
more beauty to give
the world will be better,
blessed, because you live
I can see you
what a gift you are to me
I delight in your soul
and all that I see...

Thank you and I love you...

For My Forever Friend

I followed you into my soul
and found what I was searching for
myself
I will be
eternally
grateful for your hand
and though
the path has been rocky
it was necessary
for me
to know
that no matter who loves
and no matter who leaves
I can stand alone
imperfectly
and be at peace
I needed this experience with you
to comprehend that
in the very core of my being
I have experienced an awakening,
a miracle.
I am full,
content
in need of nothing...
no one
and nothing
outside of me
needs to be
controlled
rearranged
or feared
I am free...

Meet Me

To My Forever Friend

Close your eyes
Drift away
Imagine our place
Far away
With rolling hill
Tree and pond
A field of oats
Just beyond
Relax and let
your pain slide
Release your stress
on the tire swing glide
Turn your face
Beautiful one
Towards the light
Towards the sun
Let it soak in
Let it renew
Let it become
Infused in you
Turn and look
Soar high above
Besides you flies
Me...your love
For a moment
For a season
Despite the distance
And the reason
We are here
Face to face
Wrapped up together
Safe in this place...

Unhaunted

I want to wait
On the edge of sleep
And join you when
Your slumber's deep
Haunt your dreams
So bittersweet
so when you wake up
You ache to keep
The touch you felt
Upon your face
The smell of me
A lingering embrace
You fold yourself
Inside again
Close your eyes
Recapture what's been
And try so hard
With all your might
To slide back into
The world of night
Where you and I
Are together at last
Not in the future
Or in the past
But for a brief moment
Time stands still
And we make love
And have our fill
But when you lay
Your body to sleep
You don't allow
Any dream to creep
Into your heart or
Into your mind
So though I search
I never find
And while I want
To haunt you now
You refuse
And won't allow
Dreams are wasted
My Love, on you
You miss all
That I could do
But that is true
In the light of day
So perhaps I am
Better off this way...

THE END

I keep saying
You left
And that you are gone
But the reality is
You either weren’t ever here
Or you are still as present
As you ever were
Either way
I am the one that moved
And can’t open my heart up
Past friendship
Its easier to have you reject me
In my mind
Than to admit
That you were right
From the beginning
Because then
I cry…
And want it desperately
To be different
I wanted the end
To be you and me
Making music together
In Heaven
(Literal and figurative)
I am that much of an idealist
That much of a dreamer
I can’t turn the page
Without acknowledging
That you don’t love me
Otherwise
I would cling
To any speck of hope
For my lifetime
And love you past all reason
God-this hurts
To see you, know you, love you
And still have to let you go
I hate premature endings

Imprinted

You
Left
An imprint
Inside my soul
That will last
Past
My life
And its strife
You
Left
A gift
Within my mind
That gives
To me all the time
You
Left
Words ringing
In my ears
Truth that I still hear
You
Left
And
Yet
You are right here
Nestled among the treasures
of my heart
Memories
Both of what was
And what could have been
My dear friend
You
Left
And
I am safe
And at peace
And I will never
Cease
In knowing
Part of why I am okay that
You
Left
Is because of what you gave me
While you were here…

Ode to Denial

At some point
Usually at the bitter, bitter end
Long past the patience
Of my friends, parents
And neighbors
I open to the idea
That perhaps
He wasn’t the one after all.
This was somewhat cute
When I was 7 and the boy
Was Dean Lewis;
Tolerable when I was 16
And heartbroken
Over Shane McMaster
Less so at 40
When the man
Knew months before I did
No future=no future.
I tried altering reality;
Twisting it into wishful thinking
And other various contortions
But it didn’t fit
Some contortions took me and made me different
And some changed him
In my mind, at least
After a terribly long headache
From hitting my head against the proverbial brick wall
This intelligent woman
Saw the light
(Shhh. I know, I know, it was there all along)
And stopped the pain
Self inflicted
As usual
Can’t quite wrap my brain around
How love can be so powerful
But still isn’t quite strong enough
To change reality
Hoping today
That God reigns over me
And tucks me away long enough
To get my bearings
Before I try to change
Me, him or Him again
And write another fictitious happy ending…

Creative Problem Solver

If the pieces of a puzzle don’t fit
Most people give up on the puzzle
Not me
I recut,
I reshape,
I recreate,
The puzzle
Until the pieces are no longer familiar
But they fit together nicely
In my head when it’s complete...

Re-inflicted

Remember when
Replay the dance
Rewind the pain
Rescind the chance
Refocus the energy
Redo the scene
Regret the situation
Relive the dream
Released, at last
Repented my part
Reclaimed the truth
Repaired my heart