The Cost...

Glorified whore
for how many years
did I sacrifice
My mind
My body
And the half of my soul
That was lulled to sleep
By the familiar
reality
we created
First for ourselves
And then-
God forgive us
for them…
I have
Stood up
and
Straightened
My hair
And my skirt
Shrugging off the debris
That is falling down
All around me
The price for that?
3,000 a month.
For how many years
did I stay
with my value amounting
to less than 36,000 per year?
For them
I laid down
Alternately
yelling
and silencing
My cries
Afraid to claim
The truth
And walk away
Afraid to hurt them
I realized today
A simple truth
Two wrongs
Don’t make a right
They make two wrongs…
I am liberated
And the cost
will be paid
by my children…
Sadly
They have been paying for years
No escaping this for them
Either way…
I weep
Every day
How big must God be
To atone for that kind of sin?
To comfort that kind of loneliness?
The same God
that has been comforting us all along?
It was messy before
It is messy still
Lives are touched and bruised
By my choices
My hands
are stained
My heart
is broken
How will I ever make it up to them?
I cannot atone any longer
For my original sin
It has been killing my spirit
A day at a time
For too many years
I walk away
No longer a whore
trying to be good
Just a woman
who can look at herself
in the mirror
and finally accept the only love
that matters at all
It is on His back
I am carried...
On His goodness
I am saved...
His glory
That shines upon me...
His love
That makes me whole...