Hope

Grieved
perplexed
unsure
Hope
needed
unseen
desired
longed for
prayed more
received
into me
and
my grateful heart
another
precious gift
from
My
Savior!

Who are you?

I am weak
and I stumble
and mumble
truth as I am discovering it
I am not like you
I am fallen
and I trip
and flip out sometimes
I am the prodigal son
I sin
and descend
into predicaments
that are hard to extricate myself from
I don't sing hymns
every time I am tempted
sometimes I swear instead
I am me
and utterly imperfect
and so very real
it hurts my eyes to look into the mirror
at times
I am both
full of virtue
and awash in vice
I am both
loving
and filled with anger
in brief explosive moments of time
I am both
optimistic in the Lord
and vulnerable too
I am both
incredibly strong
and full of emotion
I can be stoic
yet I cry long and hard
when necessary
I am both
a sensual woman
and a lady with fine manners
I am both
a dancer
and a philosopher
I am both
attracted to bright light
and lulled into security by the dark
I am not "Molly Mormon"
I don't even know where she lives
and when I grow up
I don't want to be like her
I want to be me
I know I need the Savior
I will wash His feet
with my hair and tears
of joy
He has saved me
all of me
and allowed me to retain
myself
through the process
and I am so happy
with both
my moods and laughter
I am
authentic
Who are you?

Family Bed

After scriptures and prayers are said
we all climb into our family bed
three children face up, three crawl down
one occasionally sleeps on the ground
I lay with the baby, she'll be three in May
she wraps her arms around me and we fall asleep that way
The covers get tangled in the children's feet
They turn themselves sideways, their heads meet
They look so innocent, beauty in their faces
but it is hard to sleep among the mazes
of arms and legs and tender toes
They poke each other and cry their woes
Sometimes I creep in the middle of the night
and escape to the couch, it feels so right
I can stretch out my legs and no one jabs me
I can relax at last, I feel strangely free
But then guess what happens to me?
I wake a little later only to see
that not one, or two but three followed me
and are wrapped around the couch like cats
in strange positions, it must hurt like that
And so I smile and breathe a sigh
It was nice for an hour but now I will try
to hug them and hold them for they aren't little too long
to touch their faces and sing them a song
The family bed doesn't always work
but my children are close and that I won't shirk
Nothing feels better, there is no greater joy
than being a mother of four girls and two boys
I wouldn't have it any other way
though sleeping well tempts me some days
I am happiest when they are right beside
They feel safe and fitfully, but happily, we abide!

Monterey

Snowflake
turning
dancing
softly
to the ground
twirling
falling
quietly
without a sound
standing
reaching
on your tiptoes
opening
tasting
with tongue and nose
innocent
unique
each flake
created different
Monterey
like the snowflake
you dance
and are heaven sent
keep twirling
to the tune
inside your heart
Be all you were meant!

Ode To My Closet Floor

To My Mandee-who REALLY understands closet floors!

I won't miss you
as much as I thought
I don't need you
like I thought
I am surprisingly capable
on my own
though we have grown
quite attached to each other
you have comforted me
much like a mother
But...
I won't miss
my tear stained face
the rough way you held me
as we tried to embrace
I may regret
how much I laid with you
I should have found
something else to do
you may wonder
what kind of friend
would I have happily kept
and now want to end?
It was great for the time
we were together
but I can't hold on
to this forever
My face has been etched
on the floor of my closet
My tears have all been dried
I stood up and shook myself off
my grief has finally died
Too much beauty
Too much joy
Too much love
for me to toy
with my closet floor
I don't need to cry there anymore
So thank you, my friend
I am finally closing the door
I appreciate all that you tried to do
But I have moved on
and no longer need you!

Still Standing

I stood
naked
vulnerable
in front of you
for years
and pleaded
You
averted your eyes
and looked away
does it matter where?
I stood
yesterday
dressed
strong
moving
on
my heart
encapsulated
insulated
and protected
from years of practice
no longer a novice
at guarding my soul
I rebel
against the status quo
I fight
against what I know
I failed
at being someone
you could see
You looked everywhere
but at me
And
now
it's
over
Yet
I stand
again
naked
vulnerable
and strong
and
I am
where I belong
I can see
me
finally hear my song
God can see me
and I am free!

His Hand

I love
I ache
I mistake
I repent
I resolve
I dissolve
I fall down
I rise again
I fall down
I rise again
I fall down
I rise again
And His hand is reached out still.

Standing Alone

The tree standing alone
is beautiful and strong
He grew that way
over the years long
The tree standing alone
has purpose and vision
His branches raised tall
fulfilling his mission
The tree standing alone
His base is solid and sure
There is wisdom in standing alone
It's his way to stay pure
But I weep for the tree
and my heart moans
I weep for the belief
that he must stand alone
Certainly, God in His glory
created the desire
for trees to stand together
and weather the fire
of this life together
surely they, like us
attach forever
God bless that tree
and hold him in your care
until he is not alone
and finally able to share...