Unhappiness

I'm
Not
Sure
A life spent trying to feel better
Is of any more worth
Than a life spent accepting how badly one feels-
They are both focused on Self
And consequently
have the same ending-

Awakened

I woke up
This morning
And I'm still done
No longer capable
Of rising with the sun
And smiling past the tears
And listening to the fears
Of a man whose song is unsung
I woke up
This morning
And I'm still free
No longer tied to you
You're no longer tied to me
And I feel bad
And a bit sad
But mostly emptied
I woke up
This morning
Freed from the weight
That made my heart ache
And it seems that fate
Took what belongs to you
And absconded my view
And I feel great
I am awake!

Walking Free

I haven’t seen
My future
With a man
Holding a ring
I haven’t heard
The bells
From the chapel
Belfry sing
I don’t know
The ending
Of my life
Or my song
How I will love
Or who will come along
But
I am unafraid
Of the journey
In this life
I realize my path
Will often be met with strife
But even more than that
I know within my soul
My path is intended
To eternally make me whole
I walk in that truth
Of being covered by His love
My vision has been turned
I focus on God above.

Sometimes

Sometimes
I don't want to talk
Because all I have inside
Is sorrow
And I'm afraid that it will spill out and over onto people that I love
And so I hide
Until the waves stop crashing
And hope comes back
And I'm the me
Everyone depends on
And loves
I'd like to be loved wholly
But first I'd have to be seen
Completely
And
That takes courage
That I do not possess
While weeping

What you don't know...

I love you enough
To let you go
To stay right here
And you don't know
That I have changed
My heart toward you
Given up the goal
Of a love that's true
I will not allow you
To be sad over me
Because you think
You can't be what I need
Though I think you are wrong
About a couple of things
I won't have you hurt
Over my heart's strings-
We are tethered-Tis true
By choice and by fate
But it's shrouded in friendship
so gently I closed the gate
I love you my friend
To the depth of my soul
The best that I have
To give is my goal
Scattered to the wind
I release my hearts hope
To be with you forever
And silently cope
I give up the desire
I relinquish the plan
Of standing beside you
And holding your hand
I love you enough
To let you go
And stay right here
So you never know....

Rose-colored Glasses

I am one of those people who only gains understanding through experience. Today, after my car was hit and I thought my computer was stolen, I sorrowed for the world we live in and how things aren’t always fair. Just because you wouldn’t do something mean or hateful to someone doesn’t mean someone won’t do it to you, even if it is wrong and hurts you.

And then I realized that I don’t want to live in a world with selfishness and stealing and people who run off after they ram into someone else’s car. I want to live in a world where kindness and manners exist and people do the right thing—I want to believe in people and see their good and foster brotherhood and all the happy stuff Pollyanna talks about in her movie.

But life isn’t always like that, even when viewed through my rose colored glasses. I find that disappointing. Seriously, I cried. Not for the cost of the new bumper or for the cost of replacing the laptop but because I live in a world where people do that to each other.

And then I thought, there is so much worse that happens-horrible violence, death and divorce—small children wounded by the very hands that are supposed to love them—and I wondered why God allowed me to come here, knowing my heart is so tender. How did He think I would ever make it through?

I don’t know the answer to that, but I do know that I if I want to live in a world where love triumphs, I had better start loving, even those who run into my car or steal my computer. That is where hope lives, as hard as it is. It lives in forgiveness…all becomes right with the world when you give up your right to hate. So I did and now I feel better.

Taking Flight

I walk with intention
Into the great unknown
With faith shining brightly
And hope traveling along
I fear no mortal man
Or lack of man thereof
I put my faith in Him
Who created from above
I stand at the cliff’s edge
With rocks below of different size
I spread forth my wings,
the wind gives my spirit rise
I release into journey,
the burden and the pain
I accept all that comes
Find joy amidst the rain
I see beyond the day
The troubles here and now
I focus on the love
That carries me somehow
And though I may forget
And stumble as I fly
I will not ever fail
For He will hear my cry…