Second Chair

I'm sitting in
The Second Chair
The First one empty
The First one bare
But shrouded still
In dust and grime
Holding captive
The Audience divine
I'm playing softly
Harmonizing near
Beautiful truths
The Audience can’t hear
I'm inept at this
I can be only me
Sitting here loyally
Playing for thee
Like a lady-in-waiting
Manners and grace
Delighting in the court
Bearing the wrong face
I was scared to play
So I started late
In case I'd fail
And seal my fate
But timidly I began
To learn the song
And grow through practice
It's taken so long
I've started and stopped
Not wanted to care
But I always return
To my Second Chair
And regally I've sat
As if on a throne
But truth be told
I've been playing alone
To the Audience empty
Who left with the first
My seat is secure
But my chair is cursed...

Take Time

Take time
Slowly wind
And heal
Breathe
And feel
And reach out
In your darkness
And clumsily hide your pain
Until the gods show mercy
and you feel free again
And let go of the past
And the trap you've hidden there
And let go of what drove her away
And who you blame and where
You feel the blood
On clean hands it drips
Free yourself at last
No more bitterness on your lips
And search back far enough
That you see what stands between
You and all your happiness
And hope enough to dream
Let sorrow reign down
And then let it drift away
Upon your river of tears
and begin another day
Look into your soul
Gasp loudly at what you find
Revel in your beauty
You are one of a kind
And take all the time you need
to heal from head to toe
I will heal as well
And then we will be free to go…

GRACE & GRIEF

I am seeing the whole
from the ebb and flow
Of gaining wisdom
Oh so slow
Of realizing truth
And then believing
Another lie
Of staving the voices
That contradict
And invite
The madness
And then the peace
Resigned to the knowledge
the battle will never cease
No matter how hard I try
No matter how much I love
No matter how much faith
I have in my God above
This life is wrought with beauty
But it’s riddled too, with strife
It haunts me as it blesses
Wielding weakness like a knife
Sharpening my senses
Making acute what was dull
Taking me to new heights
Making my joy full
Blending blood in with the bounty
Sorrow with the pain
Joy comes in the morning
Darkness echoes its refrain
It beckons to me still
After years have come and gone
And I search for equilibrium
On an angry sea of wrongs
Trying to wrap it up
Life’s meaning in a song
Trying to end on hope
That is where I belong
But I falter as I try
to live with the dichotomy
I have to make peace with it
or else have a lobotomy...

Hello/Goodbye

Underneath
the sunshine
and smiles
and unadulterated
joy
tears lie
in wait
in a vice grip
around my heart

Kaleidoscope

I don't know how
To dance with darkness
untangle myself
And fight my way
Back to the surface
I stumble
Trip ungracefully
Land in a puddle
That becomes a pool
And then a sea
gives birth
To an ocean
vast and unending
It swallows me whole
tightness hugs my chest
Gently
At first
As I softly
Imperceptibly
descend farther
Deeper
So much deeper
Than I ever intended
To go
Air extinguished
Panic sets in
I thrash about
Desperately
Searching
Reaching
for the surface
The sun
Where safety lives
But I am too far gone
Hopelessly lost
Lungs fill
With the putrid water
Whose first sip
Was my balm
Confused
I sink
Slowly
Down
Down
Down
The burning crawls
And seeps
Into my every crevice
black overtakes me
My body limp
Head clearer
Seeing past the darkness
Clarity illuminates
The web of deception
I carefully wove
The end is blissfully near
I lean into it
Lungs exploding
Light crashing behind my eyes
Bursts of color
Mixed with white
Bright beyond compare
Oh look
I think to myself
A kaleidoscope....

Fragile Independence

I
am
alone
body racked
heart cracked
by blind choice
I don't like to need
and bleed
at the same time
especially not in relation
to people
I feel stripped naked
Regardless
but the pain
that seeps thru
my skin
seems easier to bare
without eyes upon
my wounds
I huddle
surrounding my soul
with a fierce layer
of protective pride
that keeps out
what I need
and what I desire
but am afraid
to touch
In case
I am
too broken
to receive it
and I shatter
upon contact
I'd rather be alone
and clothed in my pain
than naked
In front of you
and so I am...

Settling into Truth

Settling into my truth
Regardless of what he needs
Or what we can bring to the table
His soul; my soul, it feeds
I wish to be needed by him
But whether allowed or not
He is spectacular to me
Life lessons, I have been taught
And I can't change how I feel
No matter how I soothe
But I can be transformed
And embrace the vulnerable truth
It's easier to hold,
Fluid in my hands
Than rationalizations gone awry
that I couldn't understand
I can never be good enough,
To repay him for all he's done
He'll either be mine or he won’t
Yet in this middle, shines the sun
And I'm not going away
Or refusing a smaller part
If that is what I'm blessed with
I'll keep him in my heart
And nothing's wrong with me
And nothing's wrong with him
Merely because we stopped
Just short
Of what might have been
Ain't got nothing but time
To see what happens to grow
Friendship, soulmate, lover- for-a-time
Only God really knows
On this path I'm taking
What I know and what I feel
He and I will always
Make connections that heal
So somewhere in between
My love and my friend
Lies this man I know
Our story never ends....